All those things that don't kill you

May 08

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Apr 13

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Mar 22

children;

so i’ve been needing to vent about stuff that has been going on recently with these people that i use to call friends. in the past year, i can confirm that i have lost 5 or more friends to petty drama that i honestly can’t deal with anymore. one was over a misunderstanding that happened with her and a family member, and she didn’t even bother to try and talk to me about it, instead she chose to block me from all social sites, and ignore that fact that she was my closest friend from high school and just cut me out. i can’t honestly say i know what i did, but the family thing is a guess. if i was in her shoes, and these years of fighting and making up and great friendship were important to her, i would have handled the situation very differently but this time was the last straw because of all the times i feel like ive had the same problem, and it always ends the same way. so that ends friendship one and two (including the family member that also blocked me). friends ship 3, this girl got with a guy that i had history with. from what i understand, it was completely unintentional to hurt me, and alcohol was involved, and i get it, shit happens. all i asked was for her to apologize and did she ever do that? no. and then she started ignoring me too. so for that, haha. thats ridiculous. i did nothing wrong. and yet. here we are. friendship 4. another girl was texting me ridiculous things to be funny, which after a while, its not. so i stopped answering. a month later, i text her to get together because we were all on break and i discover she’s mad at me because i didn’t answer or talk to her in a month. she took that as our friendship means nothing to me and was completely rude when i tried to hang out. to me, i can slightly understand being upset that i haven’t talked to her in a month, but honestly, its so minuscule and childish to stay mad over texting conversations. obviously i valued the friendship, because i asked to be with her. people get busy.

what i have learned is that friends come and go. a lot through life. and that the reason people disagree is because i feel like we are always changing and growing. and the reason friends are in your life is because at some aspect, you had the way you were changing in common. you were in high school, or you were on the softball team together, but at some point, its going to become harder and harder to find things that you have in common anymore. maybe you change at a faster rate, maybe you hold on too long, maybe you moved away, or got married, and life changes. sometimes, you have to let go of the high school mentality (as i like to call it) where you just have to be friends with all your friends from high school, and grow for your self. because when it comes down to the end, all you have is yourself, and God. you can hope and pray and fight that friends are going to stay by your side but if they have to choose between themselves, and you, they will choose themselves. its understandable, and the circle of life. you just have to hope that friends are going to stick around through all the changes, and that you find friends that will put others above themselves. i feel that i am that way, that i put other peoples happiness and what they think of me over myself, but recently i haven’t done that. for the first time in my life, i am going to do what makes ME happy, and fuck those friends for their disapproval and their blocking me on their social sites. if the friend is true and cares about you above all the shit that happens, they will be there for you to hear you out and listen, instead of shutting you out.

so if you are reading this, know that you deserve the absolute best. we all have that group or small amount of friends that ALWAYS causes drama, so ask yourself is it really worth it? is it worth the consistent tears? the consistent fighting over the same things? if it is, good for you! i pray you keep fighting for the things that are important to you and your friends end up being true lifelong friends. if you are reading this and realize you want to be done too, then good for you too! i hope that things work out for you and you do have someone to lean on.

“when the going gets tough, remember long distance running is 10% physical and 90% mental.”